try to describe the longing first before making him conclude it's like missing someone. if he's never missed anyone, how would he know?? he can conclude that still, but let him work through it. let him dwell on it like a real person who's "never missed anyone." it could annoy him, bother him, nag him mentally, maybe even scare him bc vulnerability, but ye. u get d idea
tense consistency pls. i see where the switching from present to past is necessary (for flashbacks) but even in present time/current setting, u still sometimes use past tense.
liked the premise. beginnin was interesting. internal monologues or thoughts was a hit or miss specially towrds the end, but charac devt is charac devt. not bad, hanaer!
too early to give u a five methinks, but it sure is interesting. u'll get dem high ratings moon, just keep goin. heck, even the site has a part of ur name on it haha keep it up
you ever read Brandon Sanderson's Steelheart? not sure why but the action/visuals from your story gimme those vibes but with Abbie Emmons's writing style, kinda